im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize