a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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