fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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