tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
