i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
