May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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