I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
