smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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