The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
