im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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