Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
