Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
