it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
