I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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