Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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