I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
