Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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