I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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