no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
