Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
The best revenge is premature balding
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
