I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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