It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
