Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You did what with his pubic hair?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
