Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
