We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
