He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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