Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
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