i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Randomize