tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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