you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
