So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
