Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
i need some magic done to my vagina
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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