First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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