I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
