Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize