You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
