she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
