Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
