I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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