i wish semen tasted like chocolate
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
