I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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