Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
