Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize