how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
