Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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