If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
third nipple confirmed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
