I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize