Non-Jews are for practice
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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