so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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