I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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