so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
