This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
