I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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