So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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