I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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