I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i just google imaged poop.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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