I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize