you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
