i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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