Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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