he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
