8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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