On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
