I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize