I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize