Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
