So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
