Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
