i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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