I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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