I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
