i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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