I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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