You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
