That's intense
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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