I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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