If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
