spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize
