I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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