I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
