I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
