North Korea, Best Korea!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
