who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
