is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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