Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
