direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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