Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize