You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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