You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
