Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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