he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
