You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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