I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize