I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
