just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
