Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
