i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
