We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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