all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
