I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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