went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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