quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
