he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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