his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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