I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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