Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
