He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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