so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
