No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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