I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
