Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
