You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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