Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
