I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
