He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
