omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
