But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
