i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
