1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
