Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize