just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
we should paint friendship bongs
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
