i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
