I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
